yakface speaketh!

Howdy,

I saw X-Men 3 a few days ago and, for those of you who haven’t seen the movie, it is chock full of a bunch of generic "bad guy" mutants. Apparently if you’re a mutant, but not part of the X-Men, then you are either Emo or Goth and very disgruntled with the world.

Anyway, there were hundreds of these pleebs being led into battle by the big bad guy Magneto. They were all supposed to be lower level mutants without really powerful abilities. Essentially that just meant they didn’t get a cool name like "Storm" or "Pyro" and we generally didn’t get to know what their exciting ability was (besides being Goth/Emo). They just seemed to jump around, or maybe teleport if they were extra cool. Mostly, they just seemed to get chopped up by Wolverine or other X-Men.

As I saw them getting blasted, shocked, punched, or hacked to pieces, I couldn’t help but muse: "I wonder what wonderful power that guy had before he was mercilessly killed by the X-Men?" Perhaps he had the ability to blow out all the birthday candles on a cake with his nose? Or maybe he could sweat beer in times of great stress?

I feel a deep sadness that I will never know what set that unique and special mutant so far apart from humanity that he/she had to dress like an overboard Cure fan.

Back on point: I have figured out what my mutant ability is. I have known for a while, but was afraid to fully come to the realization that I am, in fact, a mutant. It is a powerful burden, and I learned from the Spider-man movies that with great power comes great responsibility, and I want to assure you all that I will not abuse this ability for personal gain. I will, apparently, have to start dressing in fish-net shirts and get some tatoos/piercings. Be prepared for that.

What is my amazing power, you ask? It’s simple:

If I get my car washed, within a week it will rain, no matter what time of year or what the weather forecasters say!

Bam! I know it’s exciting!

I was trying to come up with my cool mutant name, and because "Rain-man" is pretty much taken, I came up with: Rain-On-My-Clean-Car-Man. Pretty good, huh?

Of course, my career will basically consist of running towards the X-Men and getting chopped/blasted/shocked/punched. But I think that’s pretty much the best that any of us third-string mutants can really hope for.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 31st, 2006 at 9:45 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.