yakface speaketh!

So I got really sick this last saturday night.

I was at a co-worker’s party full of people I didn’t know (and one other co-worker who I talked to the whole night).

I think one of the struggling actors poisoned me. Or it could have been the fact that I stayed up all night.

But I think I’ll blame the bird flu cause that’s the big new thing.

Anyway, I’ve been sick all week and it actually got so bad that I called in sick, which is an impressive rarity for me (although it was very nice to actually get a day off from work, I must say).

I think I’m over the hump, but just to be sure I’m going to start a genocidal campaign of avian slaughtering. Others may be afraid to come out and condemn the actions of these flying menaces, but not me. It is time for the birds to die.

Too long have they pooped on my car! And let’s not forget what happened in that movie "The Birds". What if that happened in real life? Maybe bird flu was what caused the birds in that movie to freak out? Anyone thought of that?

Luckily for you all, I have. So don’t worry, it will all be taken care of.

As requested, here are some of the specific things that people signed their souls away to me for besides the very general benefits also promised in the contract:

"In return for this sacrifice and for my denial of all that is good and redeeming, I will possess money substantial quantities, the fufillment of all my lusts, and the destruction and degradation of all that opposes my whims."

Note that specific names have been removed to protect the (as of yet) innocent. Those of you who went to the two parties I was at can play a personal guessing game of whose request fits whom (although I will neither confirm or deny anything).

• All that I may desire.
• Happiness.
• A non-minute man please.
• Life long happiness with [my husband].
• To see [someone else's] contract.
• Sell my scripts, make millions, Snickers.
• All the beer I can drink & a pony & a cowboy & a Snickers bar.
• Many of men.
• I WANT IT ALL AND I WANT IT NOW!
• The perfect kiss.

So for Halloween this year, I went as the devil. I would just like to go on the record by saying that getting to be the devil for a night or two is quite a blast. I would highly recommend it to anyone, and I’ll probably recycle the idea in about 5 years or so.

For my part, all I did was dress in an all black suit with a red tie, glue on some horns, paint my nails black and put a little black make-up on around my eyes. The finishing touch was to make up and print some contracts for people to sell their souls to me. I left a little line for them to write what exactly they were selling their souls for.

It was the addition of these contracts that really made things fun. After a few drinks people who were relunctant to sign anything are suddenly willing to sell their souls to get another person to take another shot.

Besides, once you’re dressed up like the devil, you can’t help but act a little devilish. Laughing maniacally, coercing people to take another drink, encouraging naughty behaviour, getting to say:  "Oops. I guess I made me do it!", etc. It really is non-stop fun.

The strangest part of the whole experience was browsing satanic sites looking for some good verbage to put into the contract. I’ll take this opportunity to officially apologize to the people who signed my contract if they actually do end up in hell because of me.

If it makes you feel any better (which I doubt), I’m sure I’ll be down there with you for unintentionally collecting souls for the dark lord.

I also carved my pumpkin to look like Jack Skelengtion from "The Nightmare Before Christmas". I’ll post some pics of that on Friendster soon.

Boo! Halloween rules. Its too bad I had to work the actual night of Halloween, but that’s how things go.